Saturday, October 3, 2009

James 4:2b take two

You have not because you ask not.

Why revist this verse? It will not let me go. How many arguments might I have avoided had I simply asked rather than pout, cajole, manipulate, sweet talk, gripe, whatever. Being content with what one has comes with an understanding of what one has and does not have. When I come to the place where I recognize my need, I must be willing to humble myself and ask someone for it. More often than not, however, I try to get it on my own, without help. This does not work with God and it doesn't work with my husband. And in the end, I end up frustrated because I don't get what I want/need. So many times, I just want him to read my mind, go ahead of me without humbling myself, admitting my need. Why am I so afraid to ask for help? What do I hope to gain by doing it all myself?

The only thing I have gained is stress. I'm stressed out because I can't get it all done. I'm stressed out because Dan won't read my mind and just fix my problem/help me with stuff. I suppose that makes me crazy...I keep hoping for a different result...continuing to hold out hope that someday, there'll be a telepathy feature built in and I will no longer have to face my shortcomings and ask for help. I'd rather just be self-sufficient and God. UH-OH. Herein lies the problem. I am NOT God. I can never be God. Trying to live as though I am God brings me frustration and depression, not contentment. Lord, I lay this all down and say, YOU are God all by yourself. I'm glad that you are, that I am not. Thank you for being so much bigger than me.

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I belong to Jesus. I am married to Dan. I am mom to Pearce and Garner. I am a musician, a cook, a taxi driver, a teacher, a manager. I am me.